The Dam

Please don’t leave me here
In the puddled remains
After the dam broke
And everything I held in
For so long came rushing 
Quickly out. 

Please don’t judge me harshly
For a life that ate pieces of me;
More than it gave,
Ripped me apart faster than,
I could heal, runaway, or be saved.

Please don’t confuse my disease
With malcontent, because truly,
There are reasons
For all that ails me.
And everyday I’m healing
Everyday I use my
Claws, teeth, and determination
To rise,
And I do.

But being human,
As I am sure you know,
There’s a max capacity,
To everyone’s emotional dam
And mine has been crumbling
For years now.

And I know the state of burden
More than carer.
I know the state of rejection
More than marriage.
I know the state of deflection,
Denial, and dismissal,
More than wishes, homes,
Soft beds, or saviors that come
When whistled.

I know the murky
depths of despair
Like I know the hair
On my very own head.
And I know what it is
To battle that,
Determined to carry through
and on.
And every time
I do.

And I know too,
How to find love,
When everywhere I looked,
I could just find none.
I found it triumphant
And with it my worth too.

So, please don’t confuse my
continued lamentation
To mean once again
I am used up, useless, or
Frustrating.
Because yea,
I can tell it’s there in
Some of you.

Yet, even that
Will not cause me
To quit.
I will never give in.
I will never submit.
And you will not find me
With my head down
One more day.
You will not find my heart
Left alone.
And if I am the only one left
To hold my tiny beating friend,
Well there I’ll be,
Holding my tiny heart home.
Picked up from the puddle,
Dried and cleaned up.
Polished even, until
Ready to soar once again.

Angel Marie Russell

Please consider helping me:

http://www.gofundme.com/BreakOpen

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