I Want to Forgive You

I feel safer without you here.
I am not sure who that says more about,
Me or you.
I want to forgive you.
but my anger won’t let me.

I want to kick and scream.
I want to pull at my hair.
I want to rage at you
Until you burst aflame.
And I want the ocean to wash
The rest of you away.

My anger burns deep and furious.
It motivates the movement in my feet
As they try to carry me far, far, away
From any memory that I ever loved you.
In anguish my anger subsides.

It always comes back to love doesn’t it?
I storm at you because I loved you.
How can such a thing be?
How can I want for your destruction when
You were once
Everything to me?

How can I dream of
Driving my car
Straight and fast into you
Flying fast over and above?
How can such a vision
Come from what was once love?

How can the bed now seem empty
For being so alone?
How can my heart now hang heavy
With the weight of each thread
That once tied it to yours.
And how can cruelty spring from lips
That once met mine
Open hearted.

My anger must meet my love somewhere
In between.
The two must find a way to exist
Inside of me.
For the two parts are running
Different directions
And the loss of love
Is embittering me.

Love from within
Must mend the break
it is stronger
I know it,
If I could just feel it
Beyond the ache.
And if I can grasp
Just a moment of peace
In this hurting
I can learn the lesson
Is begging
To teach.


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